Who am I? part one

Curious question, huh? Especially if I ask myself that. At my age I should know who I am, shouldn’t I? Well, one has to grow! One has to expand! Learn new things and get more experiences. Be a rolling stone, not one that’s covered with old moss. And I have experienced a lot lately, and not all of them were fun experiences, I must say. On the contrary.

But even bad, sad or painful experiences are good. It teaches you things, it helps you grow! Hopefully getting wiser! Experiences that helps you find who you are, remember who you are, are good. Even if they are painful in some way or another. Even if you can’t see it when you’re in the middle of it. (I don’t).

And still, I have absolutely no idea what was good about that apartment I recently moved away from.

But life’s going on and new possibilities arise. And New Years day is a good time for a fresh start.

I refuse to make any promises (new-years eve-promises… never!), and I don’t want to set any high goals or unreasonable pressure on me. But there are some things I want to do, and I think now is a good time to put in some effort and start doing it!

I want to write properly again. With more purpose and effort. I want to write more as a blogger, and I want to write more for myself. Stories and such. Or essays. Articles. Whatever! The important thing is not as much WHAT I write, as THAT I write! To have glue between my butt and the chair (or sofa)
I also want to read more. It’s good to read! I’ve always loved to read! Ever since I was five. (Before that I got my dad to read, with me sitting in his lap listening.)

When using the word read here, I don’t mean as much fiction as facts. There are so many topics I’m interested in, which I would love to learn more about and hopefully also be able to discuss or at least reflect on in my own writings. Already I’m stuffing myself with various kinds of documentaries – and audiobooks – and I feel really drawn to finding intelligens and intellectuality in what I read, hear and watch. Like I’m starving, and badly need stimulans!

So this led to the idea of starting a new blog. One focused on writing et cetera instead of photos/ pictures. After all! I am a lousy photographer and I take less and less new photos now. I hardly even “play” with pictures any more! Only rarely!

Nothing odd about that! On the contrary! Fundamentally I am a writer – yes I am – not a photographer or “painter”! I paint with words! Always have! Always will! But when this burn-out struck me a couple of years ago, both my fantasy and my ability to concentrate disappeared almost entirely. After some time this picture-making side of me appeared and it helped me through this long period. At least I think it was that way. Somehow something inside me needed to express itself, to create something, and since the words were blocked… well… then the picture-making came along. I guess it helped me survive and come back to myself again!

Because now it seems that the picture-making-period is fading away, and the eagerness for playing around with words – to write! – have began to grow on me. And since I not only live in a new apartment, but also quit “working” from… like… yesterday – I from now on will have all the time I want and need to do exactly what pleases me – and when to do it. So it sure is time to start thinking of myself in terms of – “I’m a writer, yes I am!”

And just do it!

… to be continued…

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9 Comments

  1. Good idea – and ideas must be tested. I have always been a writer too (and massive reader), but had a burn-out, as you call it, in the year 2000. I had been studying all my life (from 7-42), and went on studying at uni while working. Then I changed career from economics to teaching languages at a high school – and kept on studying as well. I recognize your reactions…I could no longer write, and no longer read anything. After some years I went into pictures instead. Now I do not know…I will follow your path closely, to see and read how this works for you. I wish you the best of luck!

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    1. Oh! You have done so much more than I in life! I see you understand exactly what’s it all about and how I feel.
      On the top of everything – including the mold story – I’ve been in Fas3 the last couple of years, and that is a state you don’t want to be in. Hugely stressful!
      So now when I retire I feel FREEEEE at last, and I can also notice an increase of mind-capacity. I want to do more things and also different things from now on.
      I think I’ll land with this blog for mostly posting pictures, and then another – a new one – to write in, and connect them to each other. Working on that.
      ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, I wish you a great start then! And I guess I have done maybe a little more, because I must be a bit older than you!

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      2. Jag betvivlar starkt att du är äldre än jag. Den 15e fyller jag pension.
        Det är snarare så att mitt liv tog en annan väg än jag tänkte mig när jag var ung. Jag blev gravid och plötsligt var jag gift istället för att plugga vidare. Jag hade sökt till, och till o med fått besked om att ha kommit in på laborantskolan i Borås när “katastrofen” hände. Jag kan se nu mer än då att det var ett misstag att inte plugga vidare, men då tänkte jag inte på konsekvenserna. Och på den tiden var det fortfarande så att man “var tvungen gifta sig”. Så tanken att säga nej till giftermål och skippa utbildningen dök inte ens upp i huvudet. Snacka om att vara indoktrinerad!
        Visst har jag pluggat en del senare, på komvux, men det blev ju aldrig detsamma som det jag en gång drömde om. Bra eller dåligt? Det kan man nog aldrig få veta.

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      3. Pension – 65? I så fall är du några år äldre ändå. Det trodde jag inte! Men du har ändå hunnit med en del förstår jag. Du är kreativ.Vi har väl bara inte haft samma intressen. Har du startat den nya bloggen?

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      4. Jo. Erkänner. 65. Fast det sitter långt inne det där erkännandet. 😀
        Inte startat den nya ännu! Håller på försöka få till den, och så ville jag göra ett inlägg till om den nya på den här bloggen. Del två. hehe… Plus att jag har en bild på gång till Weekly Photo Challange.
        Men jag tror det kommer att landa med att jag har båda. Bilder på den här och text på den andra. Och jag gör länkningar mellan de båda. I varje fall till en början. Så får vi se vad som händer framöver!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Ja så är det verkligen! Och jag ser väldigt positivt på det här. Och det är ju det bästa att göra. kan inte starta något och tänka att det inte kommer att gå, att det skulle bli skräp av det hela. Är strax färdig att introducera den nya, lägga in länk osv…

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